Every person has ups and downs. Sometimes we feel so drained and we’re just going through the motions of daily life. Or just wanting to sleep through the day. It happens. It is normal to feel that maybe sometimes life is overwhelming.
Honestly the past month or so has been like that for me. Maybe it’s because of certain days reminding me of regrets that I have harbored all this time. It’s been blocking me from doing things. It’s been a source of feeling overwhelmed, to be honest. I couldn’t even do simple things like logging the number of hours I slept, the food that I ate, my mood. My planner has been blank because I couldn’t be bothered to list down the things that are supposed to matter. So yeah, I totally needed to refresh my mind. It so happened that I was sick last week. And I was so down, physically. I was mainly lying in bed for how many days and my sister made sure I had water and soup accessible. It was that bad.
Today I am feeling better and so I went out and sought counseling time. It’s something I knew I needed to do but I didn’t have the push to do it. I was actually sick when I called up the center to ask for an appointment. I guess being sick made me realize that I needed to do this for myself. I think I might try writing more about my mental health experiences in relation to how it affects my general state, my art practice, etc. I am truly affected by downtimes and my moods.
In a span of two hours, she asked me a bunch of questions. Those questions made me realize that:
- I am still stuck in my bubble of regret. Or I am reminded of that bubble of regret recently.
- Some of the ideas that I grew up with are haunting me and prevent me from moving forward.
- I do not need to keep on thinking of what I could have done at certain points of my life. I need to accept that those things have happened already and that I should not put all the blame on myself.
Going out to see a counselor and speak with her today has been a refreshing experience for me. It’s been difficult to bring myself to talk with anyone about all these things that float in my mind because I am often afraid of judgment. I am not ready to speak with people who know me and may have certain ideas and expectations of who I am, so in that sense, talking with a person that I don’t know from before is somehow freeing.
Maybe this being the first week of the month makes me feel like that I can have a new beginning as well. And I do need this fresh beginning. Sometimes we do need to give ourselves the permission to begin anew. It’s not easy, and there are no set guidelines as to how this would work for anyone, but we can try to set our own parameters as to what is a new beginning and when it will happen.
So yeah, this is me restarting my journey into self-care. That includes my physical well-being, aside from my mental health. Mind and body affect each other after all. I am still looking around for tips on what people practice to refresh themselves when tired or overwhelmed. If you have tips, send them my way? 😀