This year feels like one sad month sliding into the next one, a blur of things as we deal with the pandemic by being in quarantine. As such, it’s very easy to fall into finding comfort in napping, snacking or doom scrolling.
I am guilty of all three and honestly, I think that I came to the point of being tired of that but I’ve unconsciously done it throughout the months. It’s easier to feel isolated too because of that. Mental health takes a dive into the depths of self-loathing and if it remains unchecked, it probably will lead into a spiral that’s hard to get out of.
While journaling is something that I did do, it came to a point that I didn’t want to or felt like there’s nothing to write. But that is just possibly the escapist in me and so I’ve been consciously trying to write in my journal at least two to three times a week in the last month or so. Sometimes it’s easier to do this than to talk to another person, since paper is blank, non-judgmental. You can dump every fleeting thought, every randomness or those deep-seated fears. Therapy isn’t cheap and it’s not even easy to schedule a session either but journaling lets me reassess what goes on my mind especially when I am not in the mood to socialize or I don’t want to ramble to another person who’s probably carrying their own heavy thoughts.
Lately, I’ve also decided to keep a separate food and exercise diary. It’s been two weeks, more or less of doing so. I track what food I eat, how much water I drank, if I exercised. It’s not just because of the weight gain but how much I want to help myself get emotionally better too. It’s the release of endorphins. But also the sense that I am able to do something to help my body get the boost it needs.
It may not be the only thing I need to get into a better state of health physically and mentally but this is a start. Habits are hard to begin so I tell myself that if I miss a day I shouldn’t put myself down, but I should be kind in reminding myself that, I am only recording/tracking these new habits. Being non-judgmental about myself will be a challenge but something that I want to do by journaling these things. I don’t even have a very detailed set of things to track at the moment. I don’t want the pressure of having to be ‘perfect’ at the tasks. The goal is to keep going, not just starting.
Clair Colors 